coco the horse and her muddy feet

my friend’s brother and i morphed into huge wrestlers with the long hair and shit. we wresteled each other to the ground where I landed a double hangover style headlock. his large head slammed into the mat and the referee counted to ten.” six-seven-eight-motorcycle.” motorcycle? just then shawn underwood came in with his boner bike and the crowd freaked out. it was time to leave for the night. dave woke up from his headlock after i let go and we headed inside as shawn underwood passed, handcuffed to the spotlight. it was time to get the hell out of this town. dave and i booked it to the bench with the beer. it was dripping in ice which melted our hearts. we sat down and drank a dozen at least. we thew the cans back like they were broken nutshells onto the floor. someone was seen bringing snacks and more cold ones.

then some of dave’s mates showed up. we were planning on leaving for a long time i remember. where? what throws off the middle part of that section in the long night was when these two very old, very stale and wrinkled old drunk hookers showed up. i think one of them took her teeth off at one point. i tried my hardest not to find out who they came for or left with. it worked. i have no idea.

anyways dave got the grand idea to load up everyone plus the picnic bench into the back of his truck while he drove us to where ever in the hell we were going. we quickly agreed and tossed the bench into the bed of his pick up. after we loaded up our drunk asses, we happily took our spots as safely as possible on the bench and took a nice drive. we stopped over to one of the hookers moms house for some more beer. one of the hookers, i think the dark haired one, lived with her aging mother. surprisingly, her mother remembered us. i asked dave why she would have remembered us and he said that we’ve been there before and that i must have blacked out because we sure raised hell the last time we were there. now i get why she remembered us so well.

anyway they were taking forever and i knew dave and i just needed to find a liquor store and quick! we gave them a few second chances but hay, shit happens right? i had no reason to really pry into their private lives and comprehend what their real reason was for staying. besides, the bright lights of the circus liquor kept blinking. we hurried off.

during the drive dave’s pick up sounded like it had been rode as hard as those hookers had. someone must have been feeding it too much beer in the tank and it finally threw its last fit somewhere in the middle of the country a few miles or so away from the nearest county line. we ditched the truck but didn’t make it too far until dave thought he’d jump on a horse without warning me. he took off on an impressive black colt and jumped a little white picked fence. i saw a friendly horse and followed. she rather liked me and was very tame and trained for new riders. i never was very experienced in managing the beasts you see, so we had a good thing going pretty quick. my confidence was up and i decided to see if she would jump the little white picked fence too. she nailed it smoothly with ease and i named her coco.

coco followed dave and his beast. i had a good view of his decision making and i decided that he was drunk driving at best. all of his directions seemed random and over confident. he gave that horse hell and i rode like fair to keep up. he sloshed through the rice pads and tore up thousands of crops. i followed but soon realized i was in at least as worse shape as him. there was no other reason to trust him. well, i was into it now. there was a foot of mud. i wiped the mud from his horse’s feet off of my face and watched him try to jump over a five foot wooden fence. his horse went right through the bastard with ease. this made it pretty easy to get through the fence as you can imagine. next he jumped a good sized barbwire fence and coco scored another ten. it was prime time highlight moments for the two pure breads. 

there were some jumps lastnight that i honestly was shocked he was drunk enough to try, but coco keep right on following. i will admit, coco was not as big and as in shape as the black beast was, but i didn’t lose him, even after some more crops were destroyed. it had gotten to be too much. the cops came and i realized the farmers probably had enough. i pictured them with guns and duck hunting caps looking to take a crop prankster out with one blow. i encouraged dave to slow down and he finally ceased when he saw the flashing lights following our tracks down the road. 

suddenly, we came across a break in a hill where a dump site sat. an old fifty-two foot trailer and mack truck sat rusting. trash was everywhere near by and on top. it started a trend and knew there was nothing it could do as a retired old fart to stop the mess. dave put his horse into an old dumpster. he insisted i follow. i put coco in that mess and the next thing i knew dave was hiding in an old dumpster of his own. i tried it out for a few seconds and knew that if i stayed in that stinky old thing i was gonna die.

i opened the lid and got us the hell out of there. we got the horses and slowly but surely we all walked to our makers. they were gonna make us pay and we all walked into the main farmers home. when we arrived the pissed off old fart threw his gun on the ground and his shells in his truck and approached us with concern. once he saw dave he smiled. what they were in nobody knows. but apparently it was a show for the cops. he said he didn’t want to press charges until they talked to the insurance company or something like that.

he had some whisky sours and i don’t really like to pretend i know what happened the rest of the night when i don’t really know.whoa. here’s dave now.

“what are you doing?” said dave

“still trying to get my head off that horse ride.”

“oh that,” said dave, “that’s been taken care of. let’s get the hell out of here.”

“ok dave.”

we left and there was nobody around. the only question i asked was “where’s the bloody mary’s?” he directed me to the bar and i had my breakfast to go. his truck was up and running. while leaving i recognized the picnic bench was on top of the bon fire pile. it was truly a vitreous bench and i was confident that it would keep somebody warm. 

coco and the black beauty said goodbye on our way out and we chatted it up for a second. the beast didn’t want anything to do with dave. his knees were band-aided and he was hanging in the shade. coco confirmed her friendship with some hugs and kisses. what a beautiful animal i thought, as i stroked her forehead and main. 

we took off and headed west. coco will be the best bet to hear a more accurate story if you want the real truth about last night’s ride. i mean, if you’re lookin and all. seriously. you should try animal psychology. one told my cousin about her dogs feelings. she never met the doctor in her life and through the dog she explained the layout of the backyard. next she deciphered the staircase and told my cousin that she would love the new place if it didn’t have any steps. if dogs can relate reliable requests, i know horses can tell a good story. i mean, if you’re looking and all.

II.

later on in the dark dreary night, coco came to rescue me. she smelt really raw and there were indian markings on her side. she had been through a trench and back. she forced me on her back and i realized it was pointless to resist. things had worked out within minutes. next we were at the queen mary pub and i had a free pint on the house. sunday roast was the real reason coco came for me.

“do you want to eat,” she said

“tengo hambre,” i replied

“would you order for me?”

“si.”

she had an appetite for the ages. hell i could eat a horse. anybody could understand that.